Avengers Prime steak or just Chuck roast?

It does kill me to knock comic books. They give me so much pleasure and I always try to be a glass half full kind of guy when it comes to reviewing. I know it takes so much time and effort to put out just one book that I don't want to beat up on anybody who's out there creating.

I can feel a little better about this next part because there wasn't much creating going on here and if anything, it took some unbelievable skill to make this book even readable.

Avengers Prime, a six part mini series is far from Prime. This isn't even the cheap marinade crap you'll get from the mexican markets. That's actually enjoyable after you wrap it up with some cheese and rice; right off the grill MmMMMMMmmm.

Where do I start? I guess I'll have to list them since i think I can just come up with a bunch really fast:

1) Time to publish
-It'd be one thing if this story came out right after Siege. But in all the other books that these characters are in we've moved on. There is no reason to tell this story, that again (and you'll hear me say this again and again), could have been told in a million other places and ways. This book too 2 months per issue to come out. It's been almost a year since the end of Siege. Hell, Iron Man is onto is 2nd or 3rd new armor by now and Cap's already running an Avengers team AND acting as top cop in the Marvel U.

2) I feel like Marvel is cramming these characters down my throat as the 3 biggest they have.
- I'll get more into this later

3) This story didn't do anything for anyone or any character except for the stupid "super sword".
-After 5 issues we're left with nothing but these guys friends again, which is stupid that they had to go through this adventure to become friends because they really didn't meet back up until issue 4. They should have been forced to be stuck together and through their bickering they found why they're friends and why they have the eternal / spiritual / warrior connection. But after all this nonsense, we now have a "repaired" friendship and a magical all powered sword that's given to a guy with no room to even put it in. He's specifically instructed to put this sword somewhere safe?!!?!? Asgard is lying in ruins, where would this safe place be?

4) Ripping off the readers money by making us think that this has anything to do with anything.
- At least if this was just a One-Shot, I'd have felt like they got 3 - 5 bucks out of me but moved the characters along. NOOOOO, they milked me for 5 issues so that's over $20!!! to do nothing.

5) It trips over itself to get these small character moments in when this could have been done in a one-shot or in the characters books or any of the other Avenger regular books.
- I realized I'm saying this a lot but it's totally true and deserves it's own number as well.

6) I'm even more confused to what the "9 realms" are supposed to be.
- The biggest problem with Thor and what I see is with the upcoming Thor movie is how do you integrate this mystical world of Asgard into the real world? Thor always seems to me to be a device that no one has quite understood how to use. By himself and in a vacuum I like his stories. But trying to make the "god of thunder" and all that goes with it join into the world of humans is just odd. I can believe that an alien baby came along with super powers easier that I can that a Norse god came or was sent to earth for whatever reasons. First you have to believe in a God or Heaven, then you have to believe that instead of God, Ala or Jesus is not real but instead a Viking god from an ancient culture is. It just doesn't add up. Especially when you're trying to tie him into a team of and Industrialist, Spies, Super Soldiers or experiments gone wrong.

7) Not one of the ancillary characters made sense.
- The Elf girl that helps Captain America seems to be the only friendly character in the entire city / area that he winds up in. He's fighting an entire city of ugly warriors but then magically runs into this single hot elf that take him in and helps him? I'm waiting the whole time for her to turn on him, then once I've convinced myself that it will happen she still doesn't. How is she even in this city where everyone but her is ugly and miserable and want's to kill Cap and the legendary Thor?
- Iron man is trapped in this one place where an old man has the power to turn into a crazy Fing Fan Fum dragon. Iron man, whose suit is old and not working and literally ripped off of him somehow survives long enough through his wit and charm? But he's not charming, he's an idiot and why don't these enemies just kill him. I don't recall how he's allowed to escape. Even if they hear and see signs of the god of thunder, Tony's still just human. Kill him, eat him, stab him with something before you go investigating what made that noise.

8) This is supposed to cement in that Thor, Cap and IM are the Big Three like DC has in Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman?
- Has anyone ever heard of Spider-man or the Fantastic Four or Hulk or the X-men... One of the best things about the Marvel Universe is that there are so many stars. I understand this is for marketing purposes because of the upcoming movies. But really, is there any potential movie goer dashing to the comic book store to read the story of these three lost in a mashed up, 9 dimensional world?


The fact that the writing and art keeps you even going is a miracle. I don't know if this means Bendis and Davis are great because someone had to have came up with this idea. I would say that I do enjoy some of the tongue and cheek moments that flesh out the "big 3"'s relationship with each other and the Marvel U, but they are few and far between for a 5 book series. Like I said, we're not talking about Tarantino-like scenes. These one liners could easily be placed in other places. AND I can only think of two or three off the top of my head.

The whole idea and push on this book was stupid and and insult to avid fans and even the poor sap that's maybe just buying a few books every now and then. This is the type of stuff and rip off that pushes people away. I hope it wasn't Bendis' idea, I can almost be positive that it was not because it feels like a total money grab which leads me to believe he was told to do something like this and made it as good as he could. Let's hope that's the case.

Davis' art is very serviceable. That might sound like a slight but it's not. He does a fine job and even on some very impressive 2 page splashes creates some great war scenes with a ton of characters on the page. There's nothing bad at all, but at the same time I was rarely blown away. Again, it was good and I think it serviced this horrible mess just fine.

I'm glad I got that off my chest. It's rare that a book, even a bad one, will get me so worked up. I fall for a lot of these money grabs and unnecessary stories. 90% of the time I don't care and can find enjoyment out of them but this was too much. When I was done I truly felt FUCKED over. (Aren't you all surprised I waited this long to curse!!)

Crap Books and thoughts

By now I realize that most of this blog is based on what I like or opinions on what I’ve thought about recent movies or shows. Most of the time I try to be positive but I know a lot of the online community likes negativity rather than to just hear glowing remarks.

So let me bring up two comics in particular and a thought.

1) The New Avengers: Finale. This was bad (I’m saving horrible for something else later). I read a lot of Bendis haters but I really don’t know why. I almost always enjoy his work and yeah it can get wordy but it’s certainly not like Claremont’s constant word volcano of shit. I’m a fan of banter, especially when used correctly. I think it works much more in a book like Ultimate Spiderman vs say New or Dark Avengers. Overall I like it. I also like ass kicking which this book has none of. It doesn’t even have good scenes of banter between Norman Osborn and anyone.

You’ve got a beaten down, green faced and deranged Osborn and you do nothing with him? Instead we get a moronic story between left over Avengers fighting Madame Masque’s father. I have a hard enough time taking a daily shit, I don’t need to struggle trying to give two shits about a story that sucks. Overall I’ve been a big fan of all the different New Avenger stuff. I’ve ridden the ride all the way from the start and while many have had their ups and downs with the book, I’ve loved it for what it is. And when it’s rocking; nothing is better.

To me (which obviously this is because I’m writing it) I found this story a total waste of my time. The fact that they made this a bigger issue than normal really pisses me off because they could have done so much with it. A writer and artist finally get more than 22 pages and this is what they turn out? I’m also not one to usually bash the artists because I know how hard it is to do this work, but I expect more from Hitch. To read the artist’s credit being Hitch and Immonen I’m totally shocked at what shit this book is. Hitch’s work looks like a guy who’s bolting for another company and I can’t tell you where Immonen comes in? It’s really bad and I’ll leave it at that.

2) The other book I’d like to put on a spit and roast is The Sentry: Fallen Sun. I love the idea and execution of how the Sentry came to be in the Marvel world. I think it was an innovative idea making up a figure that was “lost” in the comic world and really fleshing him out. Even though I think the character could have really been brought along further I can get over it and believe that he’s the ultimate villain rather than hero. Why would you not use this “Superman” archetype to it’s full potential in the Marvel universe. Hell they’re can only be a million stories that fans would love to read. Hell, we’re introduced to this man by him taking Carnage into space and ripping him apart, and doing the same to the god Ares. He’s bad ass. No that could never sell any books??? I’d find it more interesting to read text from the powers that be explaining why they went so far to create a character just to kill him off in such a short amount of time.

I understand that the comic book world is a business. I understand that there are movies that are coming out and you can’t have Osborn running the country, Captain America dead and Tony Stark without the Iron Man armor. When the average movie go-er leaves the theater and goes to the comic book store for the first time, they want to see a story resembling what they’ve just watched. And leading up to the 2012 Avengers pic, I understand that we HAD to start to enter the Heroic Age.

3) Which leads me to my last point. That is, if you’re going to put out these ancillary books to charge us more money and think that we have to buy these books because of some great conclusion that you didn’t get to tell during the Siege storyline; instead of extra long crap stories do something really cool and finish off what you started. I realized that I just spent $10 on horrible books. Books that had nothing to do with the next evolution of the Avengers or Sentry. No one needed to buy these books to continue along with the Marvel universe. Siege wrapped it up and I thought it did it well enough. Take your balls in your had and put out some kick ass ending that really wraps up what us die-hard readers have been enjoying. Would it have been so hard to make the New Avengers story about how the Avengers that have been running from the law for a few years now finally get to their revenge on either the Dark Avengers (which the last issue of that series was a B in my book, it did a good job and I’m sorry to see that book leave) or see how they’re going to get their life back.

I’ve had enough of this god damned baby of Jessica and Luke Cage. He’s a fucking Skrull right? is there anyone who doesn’t think that’s what’s going to happen to him? It must be because I’m looking at almost three pages of story on how Luke had to call his wife to tell her he’s OK and won’t be coming home for dinner. What is this, 7^th Fucking Heaven? I could care less. Oh and let’s make the final villain someone I have no idea who he is or care what he’s about. They don’t even show what makes the dynamic of the Hood / Hood’s real life family / Madame Masque so unique and interesting. There’s a mean three way that for good or bad should be addressed but seems to be slipping through the Marvel fingers like He-Man ooze (and with the same stale stink).

Anyway, I know I’m usually pointing out how good something is or how I’m excited about a book. But I had to be one of the many bloggers that just rip on things. I was that disappointed. I really don’t understand why if you’re going to put out something extra, and have names like Bendis / Hitch / Immonen working on the book, why waste all that talent and time to put out lame and expensive bullshit.

In an odd twist, Marvel can learn something from recent DC books such as Darkest Night and Brightest Day. I really liked where Darkest Night was going and then it was ended oddly to me as well. But again I think it has to do with main stream and movie continuity rather than hard core fans 100% happy. Wouldn’t we all love to see Sinestro as the White Lantern for a few years, doling out Dirty Harry like justice across the universe? He was the “greatest lantern ever”. But sadly that idea interferes with soon to be movie projects, BUT I’M HAPPY TO LIVE IN THE WORLD OF BIG BUSINESS AND I UNDERSTAND. Alls I’m saying is do what you have to do in the main books. Don’t waste my time and money and artistic talent with books that suck, go nowhere and / or repeat what’s being done in the main book.

In Fallen Sun all I remember are characters who barely REALLY knew Sentry lament over his death. I wish if there where going to be superheroes standing around in the graveyard they could be standing over a headstone that reads, Bear’s $4 lies here. He didn’t pay his mortgage this month in order to read this shit!

2012

If the world is going to come to an end in 2012, then it looks like we'll be going out in style.

They've just announced that the third Batman movie by C. Nolan will be out in 2012. I've got my thoughts on whether they can build on such a great movie which the Dark Knight was, but that's for a later discussion.

So far, slated to come out is Spider-Man 4, Star Trek 2, and (keep your fingers crossed for this one) The Avengers movie. It could be an all out war at the box office if all these movies come out in 2012. And frankly it's a war I'd like to see.

Dark Avengers #3

This will be short but sweet. I have loved all the Bendis Avengers stuff for the past year. I felt the Secret Invasion tie-ins where even better than the actual Secret Invasion book. Although I like Dark Avengers and the twist it puts on, well everything, I'm not a magic fan. I love the Osborn / Sentry stuff in the beginning and now Doom has got his shit together #4 should be great.

It's a good book. Worth reading and paying the price, which seems to go up every week. You can't expect every issue of a six issue arc to all be home runs (BTW, baseball season starts today). If I had waited and read this all as a trade or set, I'd have liked the book more. I'm ready for the next chapter. This is one of the main reasons to switch to TPB or HC's. But there are some stories I just have to get each month. Sometimes I have the will power to Save them up. Like my Green Lanterns and GL Corps. I've got the past year saved in anticipation of Darkest Night (?). Very excited.

Back to Dark Avengers. Read it. Enjoy. Fucked up characters doing fucked up things for a fucked up leader who is really just fucked up, under the guise of the most honored group ever? How can you go wrong?

P.S. I didn't like the cover. It's only the third issue, can we at least get a good cover of someone on the team? I'm really not too familiar with the villain in the first place. But I am a fan of boobs which you get a good look at here.