Shhhhhh…I’ve got a secret. Warning, hide the kids, it’s a nasty good R-rated secret.
Let’s go back to the beginning of 2013. While housesitting for my parents, I’m stuck sitting alone in a once familiar home. I lived in this house with them for over six years but it’s been almost ten since I moved out. My parents keep their house very clean and immaculate. It was the Saturday morning of the second weekend that they had been gone. Bored, trying not to cause any disturbance in the zen of their unsullied home, I started flipping through the On Demand section of their cable provider. That’s when the television gods poisoned my brain with the loveliest secret.
It’s important to note that when I lived with my parents, my stay included the 18th through 23rd years of my life on the planet Earth. These are a young man’s prime debauchery years. Let’s just say, I’ve desecrated every room in that house in one manner or another. Having said this, I never felt dirtier than when I sat down that Saturday morning and got my first taste of Banshee. Their house was desecrated once more.
My life has never been the same again.
I’d heard about this show vaguely. I knew the creator of True Blood and Six Feet Under, Alan Ball, had gone off to Cinemax to produce a new show. Cinemax? The only original programing that I was aware that Cinemax produced was a show called Strike Back (which my mother and girlfriend like) and of course their variety of fine late night soft-core “Skin-a-max” fare. What was this Friday night show called Banshee? Friday night? No good show comes out on a Friday night.
Having nothing better to do than to sit quietly and wait another week until my parents returned, I figured I’d give the first episode a try. Banshee had already aired its fifth episode but I’m a respecter of art and will start at the beginning. I had nothing to loose. Little did I know, I’d have everything to gain.
Halfway through the first episode, there was blood, fucking, killing, fighting and more fucking. What did I stumble upon here? The story is about a thief that recently gets released from prison after a 15 year sentence and tracks down his ex-lover / partner-in-crime to the small Pennsylvania Amish town of Banshee. When he arrives in Banshee, the unnamed thief stumbles into a bar where after a series of events a fellow patron is killed, who just so happens to be Banshee’s fresh from out-of-town new sheriff. What better way to join a new community than to impersonate the new sheriff that no one has met yet and no one knew he was in town a day early.
I wouldn’t blame you for calling bullshit on me right now. Just typing this out makes the whole show sound totally absurd. What I’m going to type next is even more crazy. Banshee was probably the second best show on television, behind Breaking Bad, in the year 2013.
New sheriff Lucas Hood (Antony Starr) is Wolverine in this non superhero world. He’s an emotionally carnal rage driven animal trapped inside a master thief. His years in prison has made him a hardcore fighting machine who’s just as likely to follow his “little brain” between his legs than the “big brain” on top of his shoulders. Every episode, he’s getting the crap beat out of him, beating the crap out of other people and wakes up the next morning without a scratch. Also, in every episode he’s fucking the hottest women who all seem to be stuck in this tiny, off the map, part small-town USA / part really small-town Amish community.
I’m not going to ruin the majesty of the show by giving it a recap and running down what the show’s about. Quite frankly, it is batshit crazy and I wouldn’t do it justice. You have to watch and let it roll over you like a good heroin high.
The thief’s beautiful ex-lover Carrie / Anastasia (Ivana Milicevic) is now married to the local District Attorney Gordon Hopewell (Rus Blackwell) and has two kids of eight and fifteen years of age. Wait fifteen? Duh-duh-dummmm. The plot thickens. AND THAT’S AT THE BOTTOM OF CRAZY SHIT HAPPENING ON THIS SHOW!
You’ve got his new “partner” / landlord / washed up boxing legend turned bar owner in Sugar Bates (Frankie Faison) and his transsexual best friend / computer expert / still partner in the singularly named Job (fabulously played by Hoon Lee) which rounds out his crew and the only people who know that this sheriff is not THE sheriff Lucas Hood.
Did I mention an Amish community? Well, they’re just as wonderfully screwed up too. Excommunicated Kai Proctor (Ulrich Thomsen) initially comes off like the evil local businessman Brad Wesley from Roadhouse but by the second episode you realize he’s much more evil, much more of a badass and much more than just a businessman. Kai takes in his rebellious niece Rebecca (Lili Simmons), who Hood fucks. Kai also has a creepy mostly silent lunatic righthand-man Clay (Matthew Rauch) who looks like he may want to join the sheriff Hood fuck train.
There’s backwoods hillbillies that serve as Hood’s first test as sheriff. The result of which is that Hood leaves one of them dead, and fucks his wife.
We haven’t even gotten to the Evil mob boss back in New York who has personal and emotional ties to multiple characters in the show. This USSR mob boss named Rabbit (Ben Cross) has one thing on his mind; find the thief / ex-con pretending to be Lucas Hood and kill him. A blood vendetta that started before and through the thief’s 15 year prison sentence.
And if all that wasn’t enough for you, there’s the dispute between Kai and the Amish vs the nearby Native American Indian tribe’s casino bosses (who of course have their own crazed killers on their side). Not to mention the inner turmoil of the local police who are not all too happy to see this “new” sheriff, especially as they see how this sheriff approaches the law.
It’s truly incredible. I was hooked from the first episode and sat there and watched all five available episodes that Saturday morning which turned into night. I had to take a shower after watching Banshee but it was the best kind of after sex, sweat dripping, blood on your hands type of shower. Each week I couldn’t wait for the next episode to come out. By the end I didn’t want to wash the filth off.
January 10th, 2014 is the first episode of the second season. I couldn’t be more excited. While I readily would scream from the rooftops that The Tomorrow People is the best new show of 2013, I have been trepidatious about what people may think of me if I told them secretly my favorite show is this hidden gem called Banshee. I’m ready to come out of the preverbal closet and force people to watch this show.
This show has everything you’d want in a dirty, grimy, mob, heist, cop, criminal, sexy, thriller, speedball of crack type of show. It’s fucking awesome. Literally.
So let’s review. You’re going to catch up on all ten episodes from season one and then be glued every Friday night (or have your DVR set) to Cinemax for the most fun show on TV.
You’ve now been introduced to the Banshee drug. Good luck detoxing from it. You’re welcome.
Oh yeah, and there's this guy...
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