Avengers Prime steak or just Chuck roast?

It does kill me to knock comic books. They give me so much pleasure and I always try to be a glass half full kind of guy when it comes to reviewing. I know it takes so much time and effort to put out just one book that I don't want to beat up on anybody who's out there creating.

I can feel a little better about this next part because there wasn't much creating going on here and if anything, it took some unbelievable skill to make this book even readable.

Avengers Prime, a six part mini series is far from Prime. This isn't even the cheap marinade crap you'll get from the mexican markets. That's actually enjoyable after you wrap it up with some cheese and rice; right off the grill MmMMMMMmmm.

Where do I start? I guess I'll have to list them since i think I can just come up with a bunch really fast:

1) Time to publish
-It'd be one thing if this story came out right after Siege. But in all the other books that these characters are in we've moved on. There is no reason to tell this story, that again (and you'll hear me say this again and again), could have been told in a million other places and ways. This book too 2 months per issue to come out. It's been almost a year since the end of Siege. Hell, Iron Man is onto is 2nd or 3rd new armor by now and Cap's already running an Avengers team AND acting as top cop in the Marvel U.

2) I feel like Marvel is cramming these characters down my throat as the 3 biggest they have.
- I'll get more into this later

3) This story didn't do anything for anyone or any character except for the stupid "super sword".
-After 5 issues we're left with nothing but these guys friends again, which is stupid that they had to go through this adventure to become friends because they really didn't meet back up until issue 4. They should have been forced to be stuck together and through their bickering they found why they're friends and why they have the eternal / spiritual / warrior connection. But after all this nonsense, we now have a "repaired" friendship and a magical all powered sword that's given to a guy with no room to even put it in. He's specifically instructed to put this sword somewhere safe?!!?!? Asgard is lying in ruins, where would this safe place be?

4) Ripping off the readers money by making us think that this has anything to do with anything.
- At least if this was just a One-Shot, I'd have felt like they got 3 - 5 bucks out of me but moved the characters along. NOOOOO, they milked me for 5 issues so that's over $20!!! to do nothing.

5) It trips over itself to get these small character moments in when this could have been done in a one-shot or in the characters books or any of the other Avenger regular books.
- I realized I'm saying this a lot but it's totally true and deserves it's own number as well.

6) I'm even more confused to what the "9 realms" are supposed to be.
- The biggest problem with Thor and what I see is with the upcoming Thor movie is how do you integrate this mystical world of Asgard into the real world? Thor always seems to me to be a device that no one has quite understood how to use. By himself and in a vacuum I like his stories. But trying to make the "god of thunder" and all that goes with it join into the world of humans is just odd. I can believe that an alien baby came along with super powers easier that I can that a Norse god came or was sent to earth for whatever reasons. First you have to believe in a God or Heaven, then you have to believe that instead of God, Ala or Jesus is not real but instead a Viking god from an ancient culture is. It just doesn't add up. Especially when you're trying to tie him into a team of and Industrialist, Spies, Super Soldiers or experiments gone wrong.

7) Not one of the ancillary characters made sense.
- The Elf girl that helps Captain America seems to be the only friendly character in the entire city / area that he winds up in. He's fighting an entire city of ugly warriors but then magically runs into this single hot elf that take him in and helps him? I'm waiting the whole time for her to turn on him, then once I've convinced myself that it will happen she still doesn't. How is she even in this city where everyone but her is ugly and miserable and want's to kill Cap and the legendary Thor?
- Iron man is trapped in this one place where an old man has the power to turn into a crazy Fing Fan Fum dragon. Iron man, whose suit is old and not working and literally ripped off of him somehow survives long enough through his wit and charm? But he's not charming, he's an idiot and why don't these enemies just kill him. I don't recall how he's allowed to escape. Even if they hear and see signs of the god of thunder, Tony's still just human. Kill him, eat him, stab him with something before you go investigating what made that noise.

8) This is supposed to cement in that Thor, Cap and IM are the Big Three like DC has in Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman?
- Has anyone ever heard of Spider-man or the Fantastic Four or Hulk or the X-men... One of the best things about the Marvel Universe is that there are so many stars. I understand this is for marketing purposes because of the upcoming movies. But really, is there any potential movie goer dashing to the comic book store to read the story of these three lost in a mashed up, 9 dimensional world?


The fact that the writing and art keeps you even going is a miracle. I don't know if this means Bendis and Davis are great because someone had to have came up with this idea. I would say that I do enjoy some of the tongue and cheek moments that flesh out the "big 3"'s relationship with each other and the Marvel U, but they are few and far between for a 5 book series. Like I said, we're not talking about Tarantino-like scenes. These one liners could easily be placed in other places. AND I can only think of two or three off the top of my head.

The whole idea and push on this book was stupid and and insult to avid fans and even the poor sap that's maybe just buying a few books every now and then. This is the type of stuff and rip off that pushes people away. I hope it wasn't Bendis' idea, I can almost be positive that it was not because it feels like a total money grab which leads me to believe he was told to do something like this and made it as good as he could. Let's hope that's the case.

Davis' art is very serviceable. That might sound like a slight but it's not. He does a fine job and even on some very impressive 2 page splashes creates some great war scenes with a ton of characters on the page. There's nothing bad at all, but at the same time I was rarely blown away. Again, it was good and I think it serviced this horrible mess just fine.

I'm glad I got that off my chest. It's rare that a book, even a bad one, will get me so worked up. I fall for a lot of these money grabs and unnecessary stories. 90% of the time I don't care and can find enjoyment out of them but this was too much. When I was done I truly felt FUCKED over. (Aren't you all surprised I waited this long to curse!!)